“Hey! Are you interested in breeding your dog?”
“No.. She’s spayed”

“Hey! Is your dog spayed?”
“Yes.. Fuck off.”

“Hey, that’s a pretty husky! You interested in breeding her?”
“Look, asshat, stop asking! My dog is not just some pretty piece of ass to be your dog’s bitch! Do you treat human women like this, too? This is my rescue dog, she has a hurt leg, and even so, I wouldn’t want to bring her even close to anything that lives in your house. Try Craig’s List!”

Like this one taken from a conversation with my friend, D:
Em²a: The universe works in wonderful ways ^_^
Em²a: Urg… I hate it when I get antsy and have lots of energy, but no where to burn it… ‘Cuz I’m stuck at WORK.
D: *Snicker* The universe just didn’t want to see him get beat, that’s all.
D: I sowwie.
Em²a: Not you’re fault, but thanks
Em²a: Well, it could be, but I can’t prove it.
Em²a: It was an expression of sympathy.
Em²a: your*
D:
Em²a: I’m conjunction happy this week
D: LOL!!!
D: and nobody can prove it… that’s the unfortunate part.
D: I think that the world would be a much better place if everybody knew how the universe worked. Then nobody could commit atrocities, claiming that they were guessing.
D: …cuz if they did, the universe would smite them down… for being an idiot.
Em²a: lol
Em²a: yes…
D:

Idiot: “It is the Will of God that these people shall die.”
Me: “How do you know? How the FUCK do you have ANY idea about what God wants? Answer that.”
Idiot: “He spoke to me in a vision.”
Universe: “LIAR!”
Me: “Oh shit!